If you’re sitting there thinking “Why the hell am I still single?” or “Why can’t I get along with my business partner?” it’s time to ART your relationships.
Let me ask you what else is running through your mind.
“Everyone else has a man except me. What’s wrong with me?”
Sound familiar? Now take a look at the key words in all your self-talk. If they all involve “me” or “I” could it be that your relationships are all focused inward instead of out?
Let’s look at relationships from a different point of view.
The best way to approach a new relationship is to start with the end in mind, rather than focusing on what the relationship will give you right now. How we establish relationships when we first meet people will set up the ongoing conditions, boundaries and expectations, and will affect the quality of the whole experience.
You don’t want a relationship just because everyone else has one. You want the right relationship – the one that works for both of you and will last forever. So don’t focus on yourself, focus on the relationship. What can you offer that will boost and support this delicate new thing you’ve got going? What is the feeling within the relationship you want more of?
In a business context, think about where you and your team need to be or what you need to achieve, and be clear on what the actual purpose of the relationship is.
When you focus on the bigger picture and have the end goal in mind, you are in a much better position to establish the right balance up front and create a more positive experience for everyone involved.
Here are some great questions to ask yourself before you embark on the beginning of a new relationship:
- What value can I bring to this person/this business?
- How will this relationship allow me to grow?
- What skills/attributes/qualities does this person/this business have that I can add value to? What can they teach me?
- How will this relationship contribute to growing other relationships/connections?
- When it feels ‘good’ we desire it more, so what can you do to make this relationship feel good?
- What would be the ideal outcome from this relationship?
You’ll notice that none of these questions are about maintaining certainty or safety – instead they are about growth and contribution. Good relationships that are based on this mutual approach of growth, value and learning from each other not only meet our own needs, but they also make life more fun and fulfilling!